Good evening and welcome to the flagship edition of: “What IS that?” my random observational rants on life and its peculiarities.
Scenario: An Amtrak QUIET car filled with weary commuters. Some resting, others working quietly, no one talking. Signs posted above clearly designate the car as the QUIET car. When suddenly slicing through the silence comes the sound of a loud one sided Ebonics driven mobile phone conversation.
“Yeah dawg, I’m on da train, naw man she trippin’ en sheet, naw I’mma kick her ass when I see her (insert absurdly loud laughter) naw man dats ma boo dough, yeah, yeah, uh huh, naw man sheeet…
(Que passengers sighs, hands being thrown up, heads peering from behind seats, people glancing at the “quiet car” sign just to make sure they aren’t crazy. One passenger stood up, clutched his bag to his hip and angrily searched for another seat.
“Yo I’mma give you the name of dat dude too dough, yeah, i’mma i’mma text it to yew dough, oh What? I don’t, holeup, lemme, holeup”
This clearly over 37 year old Captain Mobile Malfeasance turns to a passenger across the aisle, “Aye yo, whats da next stop from up here?”
The tight faced pale stranger can barely push his words out through his aggravation “Idon’tknowbutthisisthequietcar”
Que Black man “no this white man did not” face. “What?” Que “damnit I pay my taxes I won’t be intimidated by this Black man face”
“The KWYYY-ET car–you’re not suppose to use your cell phone in here. (pointing to the sign that says “quiet car, -you’re not suppose to use your cell phone in here.”)
How do you spell that blow an elongated puff of air through your lips in lieu of actually saying “phucku”? perrrrshaawww? Yes we’ll go with that.
That was the Brothers response.
Que the conducter sprint walking up the aisle stopping to lean into Mr. “Can You Hear Me Now!” to reiterate “this is the quiet car, no cell phone use Sir. You can go into the vestibule or another car, but not in the Quiet Car.”
“Oh I was talking to my daughter” (wth does that have to do with the price of tea in China?)
Black man stands up and says “Snitches get Stitches” then walks down the aisle loudly saying “SHHHH!” to every passenger as he leaves the car.
“What IS that?” When you’re clearly in the wrong and facing admonishment, instead of accepting the embarrassment & admitting you didn’t know what a Quiet car is—you decide to rectify the wrong by making a BIGGER ass of yourself?
“What IS that?” I just don’t understand. Que writer dropping her head in frustrated resignation.
Well that’s it for this edition, stay tuned for another edition of “What IS that?”