My nephew asked me to say a few words at his daughters funeral. (10-7-13) Fallyn was only 4 months old. My nephew and his girlfriend are in their early 20’s.
When I arrived at the funeral it was slightly chaotic. People were groping for something to say.
Here are the words that came to me:
Hurt is a masterful enemy. It strikes at the hearts of the vulnerable and unsuspecting.
Mourning is the Mother of hurt.
Mourning the death of a child is inconceivable, mourning the death of a newborn, unfathomable.
I look out at my family, my nephews, my nieces, their friends, this community and I see so much youth.
Too much youth to be dealt this type of pain, and I see you straining to maintain.
We don’t like feeling this type of pain, so we sometimes turn to other things to deflect the downpour of rain, we all have our own particular pain reliever we think stops the bleeder from believing what could never be conceived, deceived into thinking yours is an easier way.
But it’s a false escape.
See the longer we deny or delay this hurt, the longer we ignore this pain, the longer we pretend we can simply “man up” and handle it, the worse the consequences.
You will think you can’t go on.
You’ll be befuddled and confused, pushing the truth and your hurt so far back until your mind becomes numb and your heart becomes black.
But Fallyn expects so much more than that.
I want you to understand these facts, with love I ask you to listen to me.
Grief can set you up or set you free.
See if we don’t give in to grief, give in to the pain, lean into it until your inner strength is pushing against the weight of it;watering grief down with the power of your own tears, free flowing and releasing…
Believe me the hurt will rush you or crush you, the mourning will not match you, but I tell you to take that free fall because we are all here to.catch you.
Johnnie and Alyssa, you can scream, cry, hurt, mourn, grieve with family, friends, on facbook or twitter, but you will not allow this to break or bitter you, there is far to much work left to do, and children here and now who depend on you.
Let Fallyns memory empower you to remember how beauty exists, be persistent with the memory of her laugh, her cry, her presence in this place, let it forever change the course of your space for the better.
Let the tears flow like water knowing that together you made a beautiful daughter; but that she made a man and a woman of you, together or apart. Pin her button on the inside of your heart.
Remember her fondly in your thoughts, prayers and actions, then she will remain active, found in your words, your deeds, she will become the epitome of the seeds sown inside your homes.
Memorialize her life well, and if you ever question the path to how, just remember you’re parents of an angel now.