These were glorious noises I’d only heard in my daydreams lately. I can not see my eldest son on a whim anymore. His life choices have taken him from the loving security of his family and into the harsh realities of a Government run system.
I am relegated to doing that thing for which I have the worst track record.
We knew he would be coming home but no one has an exact date. So the sound of his voice in my livingroom was almost mistaken for an audible mirage.
Still in a sleepy fog I walked into the livingroom to find sitting on the couch was my youngest son, laughing and joking with his big brother sitting on his lap. I was amazed how brilliantly their brotherly love was unleashed between them through the frame of a laptop and invisible lines of Skype.
I popped my head into camera view to give my eldest son a big wave hello, blow motherly kisses and see with my own eyes that my child, this incredibly capable grown man, this soldier was okay.
Although their distance spans from a young man in Uncle Sam’s Army embedded in Afghanistan to the modesty of my livingroom in Philadelphia, it doesn’t matter because from bunker to blood lines these brothers will always be close.
I chatted for a bit; but I knew the call was equally important to my youngest. Brandon hadn’t been able to speak with his brother since deployment and he managed to mention his name in some capacity oh let’s say nearly every day.
It is a verifiable fact that Mother’s can be beyond selfish when it comes to our children. We get tunnel vision and forget that other people could possible share the same love in their hearts as we have in ours for our children. We suffer (or earn) bad reputations as needy, suffocating, overbearing women when it comes to our children. You could tip the scales over to the floor when it comes to a mother and her son.
I think mothers know this; but some of us ignorantly choose to accept this as the way it is supposed to be.
I try to stay in the moment and live outside of my heart when I can. It’s not always easy; but I heard the relaxed conversation of two human beings that I was honored to bring into this world, I felt the wide grinned expressions on their faces, and transference of brotherly love between them and I knew instinctively that sometimes a mother must accept that it isn’t about her and graciously take the back seat.
What I needed, I got the moment I heard Brian’s voice broadcasting through Brandon’s laptop speakers. What I knew is that our soldier will be back on American soil in March. What is truth is the waiting has had a toll on all of us.
Us, not just me.
So I buckled up my ego and enjoyed the ride from the back seat. With a smile in my heart.