I just walked into the Den where you were sprawled across the couch, deep in sleep. I thought you’d be up counting the hours until your birthday. You were so excited about it this week. You’re officially 23 and as I watch you sleeping I still get a mother’s love ache inside. It’s a happily paralyzing rush of emotion that fills me the instant I allow everything that being your mother means to me unfold inside my heart.
It’s a unique feeling you won’t quite understand until you have a child of your own many many many many many manymanymanymany many years from now.
This has been a particularly rough year on our family. You and your brothers experienced loss, not only for the first time in your lives, but on an unimaginable scale. You, my beautiful beloved daughter have taken all that has occurred and internalized your struggles with it. I’ve been watching you reaching blindly into the dark for your independence and growing slowly into your image of a woman.
This is just the beginning for you and at times in your young life – it will seem as if there is no end to the “learning” process especially when you just want to relax and “be there already.”
I don’t envy that journey. I pray for you to hold on to your strength to journey on.
You’ve hit some walls, shattered some myths and skipped a few steps.
You’re supposed to. Your mistakes don’t define you – they serve to refine you.
Perfection is NOT the ultimate goal. Satisfaction with who you are as a human being and being a happy success in your life are more important than being the “perfect” daughter.
I love you, with all that I am and all that I can. I love you for all your talent and every annoyance. I love you because you are my daughter and you don’t lose points for making mistakes. (I will dock you for repeating mistakes though.)
I am proud of you. I’m proud of your ability to walk your own painful journey, to wear your cuts and bruises on your sleeve, to cry your tears and still have the intelligence to seek solutions.
I don’t know another woman who has the generosity of your heart or the compassion to self sacrifice like you do. I don’t know any other women in my life who think pragmatically and perform so creatively as you do. The love you have for the people you allow into your heart is unconditional and a rare trait to find in women today.
I’m proud of the courage you build to do better day by day and I pray your discovery path to healing, happiness and adulthood is paved with people who love you as much as I do.
The mother in me will always “think” of you as my “tinkerbell” my “first born baby” my only “little girl” – the woman in me recognizes and respects the daughter who is a loving, creative, caring, beautiful, talented, woman in her own right.
Happy Birthday Baby…ahem… Lady!
Love, Hugs & Kisses